Serenity
Science has expanded the reach of our species in ways that would have been unimaginable to our ancestors. Medical advancements have doubled our life expectancy, eradicating diseases that once claimed countless lives. In the last century, we breached the atmospheric bounds of this planet, sending satellites—and even people—spinning into space. Crossing the skies and seas in metal crafts has become so routine that we scarcely pause to marvel at it. The extent of our control over the world is extraordinary.
Yet, despite these spectacular advances, we are confronted daily by forces beyond our control. Deadly pandemics, irrational bureaucracies, enraging corruption, malevolent exploitation, brazen selfishness, fatal accidents, personal conflicts, and foolish wars all serve as stark reminders of our fragility and limitations.
Throughout history, people have grappled with this tension between the controlled and the uncontrolled. Religion and philosophy have long served as tools for navigating the limits and excesses of human agency. One of the clearest expressions of this quest for balance comes from the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, who penned the now-famous Serenity Prayer:
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Niebuhr is right that wisdom is knowing the difference between the two. Attempt to control too much, and we risk becoming rigid, manipulative, and domineering. Our efforts to impose our will upon the world can burn us and those around us. How many of the world’s problems stem from the misguided belief that we can, and should, control more than we actually can?
Conversely, relinquishing too much control can render us passive, vulnerable, and cynical about the possibility of change. We may shirk our moral responsibilities, dismissing people and situations as “lost causes.” How many injustices persist because they were deemed beyond the scope of individual or collective action?
Long before Niebuhr, the Stoic philosopher Epictetus articulated a similar insight:
“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not.”
Both individually and collectively, we must strive to discern the boundary between what we can control and what lies beyond our grasp. Serenity, happiness, and freedom are not found in the extremes but in the balance between acceptance and action.
It can be a helpful and moving experience to press into these questions, to assess our own ability to bring about change. Stephen Covey’s model, the “Circle of Concern,” aims to get at this question. Taking the lead from Niebuhr, we might reframe his Essential as the “Serenity Square”:
Concern: What are those things that are out of your control, but still concern you? These might be abstract problems, systemic challenges, pressing changes, issues in your environment, and more. Anything that could impact you or is relevant to you but is not within your control should go here. Think of this as the VUCA space or the Threats and Opportunities section of a SWOT analysis. Some examples include: an economic recession, a coup against the government of your country, a global pandemic, or even something ordinary what other people think. These are things that you need to be aware of but also accept.
Control: What is in your control? These are areas and actions you are directly able to change. For instance: what you read, eat, or purchase generally are within your power to control. Likewise, how you spend your free time, career choices, etc may also fit here.
Influence: This is where you put things you may not directly control, but may be able to actively influence through your choices, behaviors, and attitudes. This is the space where what we do control can impact what we do not control. For example, even though we can’t change our genes, we can influence our health and fitness through choosing to diet and exercise. Likewise, even though we can’t directly control something like climate change, we can identify areas where we influence our environment. There is a lot of power in discerning the areas of influence that may lead to change on issues that seem beyond our control.